What's Good In Your Life?

Good Morning My Confidants

What's good in your life?

I saw a video here on social media this morning, pretty much right off (which was a good way to start the day), that asked this particular question.

What's good in your life?

The video went on to explain that he recently waved at someone and said "Hello," and the other person said, "Hey! What's good in your life?"

And it's an excellent question, because, as the videographer was saying, how often do we ask someone how they're doing, and we are doing so automatically, and we very well might not be interested in their real answer? Because, as he says, often we don't want to hear their real answer.

This really got me thinking and so let me go on from Ben's point of view on this....

When you ask the question, "How are you?," the other person has a choice on how to respond.

The social convention is to give that automatic answer that we often don't even think about when we say, "Fine, how are you?" (or some version of that). This is the expected cultural answer. So often that's what we want to hear when we ask, "How are you today?"

But when we ask, the other person could tell you how they're actually doing. And there's a multitude of answers...!

Actually, I'm in a lot of pain today. Or....

Not doing too good. Or.....

I'm in mourning....

I'm really scared because I've lost my job and my rent is coming due....

I'm feeling really shitty....

I'm really depressed....

And what do we do with somebody responds with that kind of an answer? Ever feel like a deer caught in the headlights when someone doesn't give us the socially expected answer?

Here's answer question. If a person gives you one of those unexpected answers, is it because they're really giving you really sharing their heart, with you? Or are they one of those negative people who never ever says, "Fine! How are you?" Instead, they are always complaining.

When you're asked how you're doing, if you don't answer automatically with the culturally expected answer, you are put in a position of figuring out how to answer. I mean, you can give the expected answer and you aren't thinking about it and not even realizing you answered that way (I do that about 98% of the time).

But what if you're truly not fine? Sometimes we're not. And what if you really don't want to answer in the culturally expected way. What if you are you really need to talk? Do you ever feel comfortable enough to do so? Or you don't want to "burden" then with the truth. Or you don't want to come across as a complainer?

I would like to mention that morning (for instance), I'm really aching. I had one of those nights where my shoulder surgeries were screaming and I could not get comfortable in any position, and lately my right hip has been really, really bothering me, which exacerbated the problem, and I really didn't want to get up with Noah this morning. I just wanted to try and sleep.

So, if somebody asked me how I'm doing this morning, do they really want me to tell them the truth?

Often, people don't (I have been "guilty" of that). And sometimes they don't give a shit. They are just as automatically asking how you're doing, as we are automatically answering, "Fine! How are you?" Without even thinking about it.

So, do we fake it? Do we lie when they ask that question?

You might be answering "fine" because you know they don't want to hear the real answer.

Then of course there is the whole process of positive thinking where you answer that you're fine even when you're not fine because you're really truly trying to use the power of your words to take your mind off whatever is bothering you.

It really is crazy. There is so much to unpackage here.

Which leads to the wonderful thing the person in the video said.

"What's good in your life?"

I love this so much.

Person A: Good morning!

Person B: Good morning! What's good in your life?

I love that so much because now you're giving the other person the opportunity to, by themselves, reflect on something that takes them away from the pain or the hurt or the upset or the anxiety or the fear that they're feeling....and think of something that's good in their life.

Because you know, I've known people who are in terrible, terrible situations, and what always blew me away about them is they could always find something that was good in their life. And of course I've known people who have so much, so very much going for them, so many blessings, and yet all they can see is the bad in their life.

I guess it's that whole glass have empty / have full thing?

Except that's not where I'm going here. Where I'm going is this wonderful new thing I can say to people: "What's good in your life?"

I can give them an opportunity to either find something that's good in their life, or truly, if there is nothing good in their life, we can have a conversation. A real true conversation about whatever is bad in their life. I can be a sympatric ear and give suggestions (if they want one and only if they want one).

Of course, I need to be prepared to actually listen, right?

For instance, if you ask me that question today, I could say, "You know I didn't sleep too well last night, shoulders and hip bothering me, but I'm so happy to hear you ask me that question! Thank you! Heck! There really is a lot going on for good in my life."

1 ~ My husband RBear is feeling better and was able to make the trip to his hometown to take care of his mom, who really really needed help.

2 ~ I have a wonderful husband in my life that is so wonderful! He was so sick that he missed two days of work, and he never calls him sick because he has such a high work ethic, and even though he probably needed a couple more days rest, he still drove two hours to his hometown to take care of his mom! Wow!

3 ~ I actually have two wonderful husbands! Noah is endlessly patient with me despite a lot of crap that has gone on with me in the last couple years. Not complaining, he cares for me physically, mentally, and emotionally. How incredible.

4 ~ I have good friends with good souls and good hearts.

5 ~ I have a daughter who I love so much and who is finally saying, "I love you too," instead of, "Ditto" (which is a long long thing in our family so that is meant to be sweet, however it is so nice to hear that she loves me).

6 ~ Yesterday I had pretty much decided not to go to church, but "something" told me to go, and I heard one of the best lessons I have heard in years! It was incredible!* I am so blessed to have a place to go that isn't about judgment, but instead about love, love, love.

7 ~ That the lesson reminded me of something I do ~ Have a Gratitude List and look at it every morning. That is what I am doing right now!

8 ~ I have a nice home.

9 ~ I have a government check coming to day ~ HUZZAH!

10 ~ I have two amazing dogs that are far more than simply "dogs." They are family.

11 ~ I am smart enough to know what angels in disguise dogs really are!

12 ~ I have dumped 25.8 pounds this year! Wow! Pick up something that weighs 25-pounds and see just how much weight I am not carrying around with me any more!

13 ~ I have a new hobby--making miniatures from kits--that has reawakened my creativity. I am having a wonderful time!

And that is a Baker's Dozen and I will think of many more blessings today!

So tell me... What's good in your life?

I bet, if you try, even if you are in one of those valley of shadow times in your life, I bet there is something good in your life. You are alive. You have enough money to have access to social media and be reading this! I hope you aren't in the hospital. I hope you aren't in prison. I hope you have a dog! LOL!

Come on. Tell me....

What's good in your life today?

And remember this.... What you think about, and thank about, you bring about.

What's good in your life?

Namasté,

BG "Gentle Ben" Thomas

*: I highly recommend, if you have the time (make time!) to listen to the lesson by Kate Guimbellot. The link is here and you won't regret it!: https://www.facebook.com/reel/310479068718761