Don't Be an Asshole

Good Morning My Confidants

I seem to be unable to wake up this morning. It took me two hours to motivate myself to microwave for breakfast sandwich. And I needed to eat something so I can take my antibiotics. And my special gout medicine.

Maybe it's all the drugs I'm on right now? I mean I'm really feeling a whole lot better. Technically I can't say 100%, but close enough.

I'm proud of myself when it comes to social media this morning. I totally kept my cool. So many people seem to have a chip on their shoulder just ready to get mad.

For instance, on one of the gay pages, a man made a statement that it doesn't make any difference what gender the other person is when falling in love, only the heart.

I disagree. Or straight men would be falling in love with each other all the time. Straight women would be falling in love with each other all the time. That's not the way it is.

HOWEVER, just because you might not be in love with someone doesn't mean that the love you feel for them isn't as powerful or even more powerful. My best friends? It almost feels like I'm in love with them. But then I love very deeply. Someone said fiercely. I think that's true.

Through my years of coming out something hit me very strongly. When I realized I was gay, and not simply homosexual, and there is a huge HUGE difference.

If something were to happen to me medically, and I would never be able to have sex again, whatever that entails, I would still want to be with a man for the rest of my life. I would still want to wake up next to a man. I would still want my love to be shared with a man. I don't know why it's different, but I know that's what makes me gay. That, and my celebration of this thing that makes me "different."

Let me mention that I have a number of friends that seem to have formed these little....pair bondings (?). They are both heterosexual, but have lived together for years, and I dare anyone say that their bond isn't extremely powerful. That's why I want to point out that I'm not talking about "better" here.

And I want to make sure that I mentioned that gender has nothing to do with sexual parts. It took me a while to figure that out because I'm such a CIS male. But I have gotten it.

In fact, I think there would be so many less problems in the world if people would just try to "get it."

One of the things that boggles my mind most is when somebody stands on their little platform shouting about stuff they don't understand. Speaking with authority about something they don't understand.

Right now, a safe example, would be these people I saw the other day spouting and shouting about how humans were not meant to be vegetarians. They were bringing out pseudoscientific lab trap with no sources or links, just lots of shouting. Lots of making fun of. Lots of that bullshit about, "Then why do vegetarians try to make food that tastes like meat? You never see someone who loves meat trying to make their food taste like vegetables!"

It's all just pure ignorance. I won't even go into all the vegetarians that I know that don't eat plant-based "meats." The thing is, is there's no arguing with these people. There's no explaining it. What I kept trying to say to them was, "Why do you fucking care? What is going ON in your brain that you think that you have to convert them back to being omnivores? If they ever were?

People will say, "Well, it's just that....."

No. It's "just that" nothing!

They made a choice, and it doesn't affect you. So shut the hell up.

Someone wants to be called "they." Then try to do it. I don't really totally understand it, but that's okay. I really don't understand being heterosexual, but I know for our species to continue it's a good thing there's a lot of heterosexuals out there. I don't have to understand. I don't understand how gravity works. I don't understand how electricity works. I'm willing to argue that nobody really does. Not really. So just accept it.

Anyway, my point was, as I suggested to this gentleman that perhaps he was bisexual. Because no, gender does matter. It absolutely does matter. I will repeat......

If something were to happen to me medically, and I would never be able to have sex again, I would still want to be with a man for the rest of my life. I don't know what it is. I'm sure it's something psychological. Maybe it has something to do with pheromones. I just know that when I'm sitting here on the couch and I glance over it either one of my spouses and they're looking at me with love, it is cosmically different than it was when I was with a woman. I know that the simple thing of waking up in the middle of the night and they're being a man next to me is different than when I woke up and there was a woman next to me.

And it is that fundamental difference that makes me gay.

I have come to see, because so many people are "coming out" of their closets, that there truly are many different genders, many different ways to love, many different ways to feel partnership, and they are all legitimate as long as no one's getting hurt. And that none of us can speak with absolute authority about anything unless it's us, and even then we can only speak for ourselves.

So why can't we just let it be?

Anyone who has known me for a long time will know that I have spoken with authority about shit that I didn't know anything about in the past. And I am so fortunate that people spoke with me kindly and helped me see the light. I have made it my mission to try and be that same beacon and hopefully, through unconditional love (well, it's unconditional as I can be), been an example that I hope other people can see.

Just a very, very simple, "Hmmm.... Maybe there's something to that...."

I had a friend that everybody called Rob for years and years. One day he announced to us all that he did not like being called Rob. He liked being called Robert. Okay! Fine. No problem. I can do that. Don't be angry with me if I slip, especially if I've called you Rob for years and years and years. I'll call you whatever you want to be called. I have friends who have legally changed their names. I have friends that just use a different name, like my dear friend Earline goes by "Cricket." I call her Cricket. I don't argue with her and tell her that a cricket is a type of insect and that she shouldn't call herself that. I do what she asked me to.

It's called not being an asshole.

If everybody would just let everybody be, there would be no wars, there'd be no reason to have them. I have read, I don't know the exact statistics or how they would figure it out, but that more Wars have been caused because of religion than anything else. It sounds credible. I could easily believe it.

I'm not even going to go there though. I know people think I'm anti-religious, and I'm really not. I'm just anti-hypocrisy. And as long as you're not trying to impose your religious beliefs on me, I don't care what your religion is.

Let's just be.

Sound good?

It sure does to me.....

Namasté,

BG "Gentle Ben" Thomas