Good Morning My Confidants
What a sad morning....
My friend Jamie Fessenden has left this Earthly Plain, and it's just not fair. I can't begin to say how unfair. Why now, Woden? Why now?
I wrote about him yesterday and today....he's still gone, goddamnit! It's real. It happened. It wasn't a dream. No more late nights talking in our hotel room. No laughter. No good whiskey. No more tales to tell.
The gods made a mistake. It feels that way.
How is his husband going to go on? His beloved fur babies? His friends? His readers? He had more to say.
We never know how much time we have left, and we always think we have more.
This getting older business....they don't warn you that living means outliving. And I've outlived so many? Why? It's not because it's always the other guy! Because to them, we're the other guy.
I don't want to get maudlin. I don't. It's simply that I'm still stunned. I've shed only a few years, because it's like a part of me still doesn't believe it. It's impossible.
Don't waste time. Don't believe there's later. We have this moment. Lyrics by Jonathan Larson say it well....
There is no future, there is no past. I live this moment as my last. There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road. No other way. No day but today.
Today I will live the best that I can. Be the best that I can. And the lives that have past will not be vain. I love you, Jamie. I love so many friends no longer with me. Celeste, Joanne, Paulie, Nancy, Ben, so many more. You live in my heart. I'm better for having loved you. I love you still.
I choose to remember my life is a gift.
And I am not going to squander it.
Namasté,
BG "Gentle Ben" Thomas
Kim Fielding, Jamie Fessenden, Eli Easton, and Me
Bret Alan Fessenden and Jamie Fessenden, brothers, in their youth
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